Beautiful, alluring, entrancing. It’s beautiful purple petals, branching out like a canopy, it’s large thick stalk – reminiscent of a man’s phallus – its. . . awkwardly foul aroma. . .  It’s Amorphophallus, known by most botanists as the Titan Arum, and by everyone else as the corpse plant, or the carrion flower. Translated from latin, it means Strange Dick.

Alright, Itty Bitty might be paraphrasing an itty bit, but literally translated it means Awkward, or strange phallus, or penis.

It’s almost a shame this plant only blooms every 4 months.  Wait, did I mention that it wreaks like a corpse? Or that it can be smelled for miles and miles around.  The real shame is that it is named after such a wonderful bit of anatomy, and causes such trauma to the senses.

A native of the Sumatrin forests, this plant is rare and very difficult to cultivate rarely reaching adulthood. And when such a bloom was accomplished in the States, the country loved it so much, they made it the official flower of the Bronx.  I think that was, of course, before the rancid meat smell kicked in, eventually it was left in place as they saw it more fitting. In 2000, finally fed up with the carrion smell associated with their flower, the Bronx changed its flower from it’s previously ill reputed and foul Amorphophallus, to the Day Lily. Because we all know they’re really just soft and fragrant under the anger and gun violence.

So here I sit, in the second floor of the technology building, drooling over the dual screen set up and imagining the day that i will own such a set up, and equipment to match.

Of course, the fun started this morning in the disabled Student Services building, where Itty Bitty once spent her afternoons (as a scribe / aid not the disabled, though i might as well be). It seems Itty Bitty’s older sister, has found her a match as approved by the Gilded duo, Phillip. I won’t say he’s not worthy of praise, being intellegent, handsome and amusing.  I find it all very amusing their attempts to hook me up witha Gilded Gentleman, but for now Itty Bitty will keep her love life a little. . . itty bittier.

of course, if we wanted to even farther back this morning we can reminisce about this morning when Itty Bitty played dress up with Gilding’s clothing and Gilding (by some miracle) had a bra itty bitty enough for itty Bitty. . . but still had to taunt her for her itty bitty breasts by offering her a DD cup bra. I will say i am still pondering where this wonderfuly small bra fits into Gildings delightfully Double D world.

~Itty Bitty~

Or at least a little calmer please. While browsing through one of Itty Bitty’s favorite tech sites, she found something that made her happy Itty Bitty heart palpatate with giddy humor!

The Beating Heart Stress relief pillow.

This nifty little plush gadget creates it’s own vibration (heartbeat) when hugged. And unlike most other heart mimicing products, this is not a prerecorded pattern or sound, but rather it’s own random algorithmic beating heart. Each time you turn it on, it creates a completely new unique rythem to comfort you with.

A rather nifty fact: our hearts mimic and sync up with those we hug and hold, creating an intimate bond of its own and calming or exciting us as per case. This pillow uses that human instinct and softly, and sweetly, lulls you into a calm state. Itty Bitty is definitely getting one of these for her Grumpy Guy.

And the best part, It’s heart shaped! Just in time for Valentines day!

~Itty Bitty~

]]> http://theittybitty.wordpress.com/2009/02/08/be-still-my-heart/feed/ 0 Itty Bitty Pocket Punk Beating Heart Stress Relief Pillo http://theittybitty.wordpress.com/2009/02/07/talk-flirty-to-me/ http://theittybitty.wordpress.com/2009/02/07/talk-flirty-to-me/#comments Sat, 07 Feb 2009 01:42:32 +0000 ittybittypocketpunk http://theittybitty.wordpress.com/?p=77 ]]> Well Ducky darlings, Valentines Day is growing nearer and nearer and in preparation Itty Bitty has been shopping for a few inspiringly naughty items for her Handsome Hulking Hubbies.

Just a teaser for the Duckies and inspiration for the Goslings, here are a few items i’ve found and been inspired by.

For those goslings who wear their heart on their sleeve, now you can wear it in sexier places with this body hugging, nylon chemise with heart cut out and tule detail.

If you’re feeling a bit more racey and romantic, Frederick’s of Hollywood offers a lovely stain heart G-string. This Itty Bitty piece is one of this Itty Bitty’s  favorites!

Well my Darling Ducklings, Valentines Day is fast approaching and Itty Bitty is frantic on what to get her Hulking Hubbies! In preparation for the big day, I thought it best to perhaps post a few helpful hints for you other hopeless romantics and Casanovas!

Wine seems a staple for the adult Valentines Day, and nothing is more stressful than trying to sort out which wine is best for which meal, so Itty Bitty thought fit to provide you, my Darling Ducklings, with a few helpful pointers. Enjoy!

Steak and Cabernet Sauvignon

Cabernet Sauvignon is high in tannin- the lovely stuff that leaves a chalky sensation on your teeth and colors your mouth after drinking. The Fat in the steak softens the tannin’s impact and matches its bold flavors to the big fruity flavor of the wine.

Double Take:

Remember Red meat and Red wine are a classic combination! Try pairing American Red Zinfandel, tannic, or a soft Merlot with grilled steak. A pan fried steak pairs better with fruitier wines such as Australian or California Shiraz, or an Oregon or Washington Merlot.

Oysters and Muscadet

Made in Western France and along the Atlantic coast, Muscadet heightens the oyster’s fresh flavor with its acidity.

Double Take:

Try a lightly oaked Chardonnay or Sauvignon Blanc with mussels, clams, oysters, and whitefish such as trout and skate.

Spaghetti & Meatballs and Chianti

While Mr. Lechter might enjoy his Chianti with fava beans and a side your liver, Itty Bitty and her Hulking hubby prefer something a little “less adventurous”. Chianti has a bold fruity flavor with enough acidity to contend with the tomatoes and meat.

Double Take:

Spanish Rosa also pairs well with tomato-based sauces.

Spicy Indian and Riesling

While a highly alcoholic wine would make you feel the burn, the slightly sweet, low alcohol wines like a German, Australian or New York Riesling provides the palate relief with a spicy meal.

Double Take:

Riesling also pairs well with highly spiced Asian and Mexican dishes. Heart-pumping cuisine such as Thai or Indian combines nicely with Gewurztraminer.

Salmon and Pinot Noir

Salmon is an exception to the rule about white wines with fish, as its flavor stands up well to the bold but not too tannic flavor of a Pinot Noir. Consider regional pairings. If your salmon was harvested from the northwest, a Pinot Noir from that same region will pair famously with your dish.

Double Take:

Pinot Noir also pairs well with Tuna or other fatty fish; especially when served rare or raw.

Stilton and Port

The contrast makes these the perfect pair! The salty cheese and the sweet wine are aged just enough for both to develop a similar earthy tawny flavor.

Double Take:

Strong or pungent cheeses such as Roquefort, Stilton or Blue cheeses pair nicely with sweet wines like Pork, Sherry, and Madeira.

Lamb and Bordeaux

Bordeaux is a bold and fruity wine, and shines when paired with the gamey, rich flavor of meats such as lamb.

Double Take:

Pair aromatic wines with bold flavors and maybe even some smokiness to pair with lamb or other game such as venison.

Here’s to hoping This Blog has helped you my darling Ducklings. Stay tuned for more romantically delicious ideas for your Valentines day!

~Itty Bitty~

While not exactly pertaining to the subject at hand, this quote – made in a 1970′s film about a room of dreams and hopes – is actually quite befitting of Itty Bitty’s current situation.

While I am certainly not one to have an Itty Bitty ego, i am also not one to overfeed nor over exert my ego; so please understand the following events baffle me as much as they may baffle you, my ducklings.

Recently, it seems Itty Bitty has acquired herself quite the octagonal tryst unbeknown to her. I thought it was confusing enough in my pre-established love triangle, and then the suitors started arriving. At first it was only Ryan, the handsome, southern gentleman with a heart of gold pinned to his sleeve and his unending love at the tip of his tongue.  Already caugh up in a triangle with my best friend, and my hulking hubby, it’s easy to understand that i was very confused – to say the least – by his pampering and kind words.

This new interest also rekindled his room mates interest, striking up an argument between the two.  Bare in mind that while Itty Bitty is a sexual entity, neither had been given sexual incentive to this point.

And then along came Giles, the uninvited.  An acquaintance online, it seems that he was wooed by some internet charm he swears I have. In all honesty, he seemed the lonely sort of fella looking for any last shot at romance, who misunderstood my patience and kindness for infatuation. He showed up stateside, uninvited and looking for a place to stay in Itty Bitty’s home.  Of course i didn’t turn him away, where i come from, that’s asking for bad karma.

We were glad to see him go at the end of his two week stay, as he progressively became more awkward and frightening. I removed him from my friends and blocked his websites shortly after, intending to only contact him in order to pay him back the money owed and sever contact after that.

That was my intention. . .

That’s when the emails started. Itty Bitty’s sister, Gilding, and Gilding’s husband (The Gilded Dick)  were the first to receive messages.  When they didn’t respond it trickled down to friends. Ryan, being this Itty Bitty’s online Knight in Shining armor responded with a fair warning against the Englishman’s actions.

Now it seems a waiting game.  Will he show up again at Itty Bitty’s door, like the proverbial Big Bad wolf, or will he remain the “gentle lamb” he’s convinced himself he is, and stay where he belongs. . .

Well Ducklings, what ever will we do?

~Itty Bitty~

Strobe lights, foggers,and techno beats so heavy they make this Itty Bitty’s heart palpatate. Such was the scene on this Saturday night, La Vela in Panama City Beach.  Itty Bitty and her hulking Hubby ventured out to meet up with her photographer mate and a few of his nearest and queerest.

The music was provided by none other than DJ Nemesis, and DJ Lechter, two souls who most definitely made the party worth having.  Carol became Warlock’s newest infatuation, and it was well deserved. The sirin of the chains, the raving beauty in the nine inch platform boots lined in florescent fur, had captured his camera lense from the moment he entered the Underground until the time he left.

This Itty Bitty spent her time dancing and drinking, amd how could i not with music like that !  In the end, we were all glad to hear that DJ Lechter would be sticking around for a while ; and personally, this Itty Bitty can’t wait to dance the night away to more of his heart pounding techno!

But alas ducklings, it is late, and Itty Bitty and her Hulking Hubby have a breaky date set for early morning. Until then, Sleep sweet and naughty dreams!

~Itty Bitty~

And as we all know Ducklings, Itty Bitty and her Hulking, handsome Hubby just moved into a swell new Loft Apartment on the beach (pictures to be posted later today). Naturally, we will be having all sorts of beach parties, cocktail parties, and the best part of summer, lots and lots of oysters!

To start off the new  Party Season, Itty Bitty has been putting her inner mixologist to the test, and is adoring her new Bar equipment her family purchased for her through Christmas.  Beautiful really!

However, Itty bitty is in need of a bar, and so the search was on from early this morning when i returned home from a babysitting endeavor. Thus far, i have found this ultra modern, ultrasleek and not to mention -tongue in cheek- Itty Bitty, mobile wine bar and refridgerator!

While still slightly out of this Itty Bitty’s itty bitty budget, it is with in reach, and soon summer sunsets, cocktail parties and oyster / beer get togethers will be the highlight of the spring! Updated of course, with pictures every so often.

Enjoy Ducklings, until next time!

~Itty Bitty~

And a certain Itty Bitty is excited and ready for Christmas. The family, the festivities!

December this year proved to be a bit of a bugger. What with Rent due, and this starving little artist with nothing to show. A dead end job that only perpetuates madness. And more recently, ducklings, a B&E. For those of you no familiar with Dane Cook and his venacular, a B&E is a Breaking and Entering. Yes Ducklings, it seems Itty Bitty and her counterparts were burgled last Saturday.

Now, in most cases, i believe that materialism lends nothing but misery.  I am not so much upset by the robbery, as i am by the timing, and the audacity of the little twerps who did it.  Clearly teenagers, when Itty Bitty arrived home after a horrendous night at work, she found her place a shambles, bed tossed, windows wide open, unmentionables gone through, and some missing.  It seems that whomever was going through my house was in need of Change, Panties, Deodorant, iPod’s and a camera. Perhaps they’re independent film makers, making a sad tranny film using my valuables. Though if i may say so myself, my lovely Red lace panties are much nicer than to appear in a poorly directed indie film.

All in all, it seems that it will be a while before Itty Bitty can fully post any festive pictures. Thank goodness for dumb teenage boys, they left behind the memory cards, and only took that poor little orphaned camera.

In brighter news, to mourn the loss of a loved one (IE my camera) Itty Bitty called upon the help of her Hulking Hubbies for a few nights on the town, all ending in promiscuity and eventually exhaustion the next morning.  But not one to be sidetracked, Itty Bitty and BF 1.o were quick to get their last minute shopping in, stopping to molest Santa ~those pictures are on the way, ducklings ~ and fall in love with a local Confectioner who makes gourmet Fudge. Itty Bitty will be back to her shoppe soon to learn her ways.

And now tonight. Christmas Eve’s Eve, the air smells of cinamon and love. There’s a bite to the frosty floridian air. All of the  fountain signs on the beach have frozen to icicles in their endless journeys. And all of this sleepy little tourist Town’s natives wait for beloved Saint Nick to visit and leave them nic-nacs and treacles galore.  Itty Bitty is no exception, and personally, can not wait to see the look on her family’s faces on Christmas day!

Eat Drink and be Merry my Ducklings!

~Itty Bitty

Naughty or Nice, Itty Bitty and her Hulking Hubbies are celebrating the season in style.  Or as much style as one can on a piss poor off season wage. It doesn’t matter, we’ve had fun!

Being Itty Bitty’s first year out on her own, a lot was to be done in preperation for Christmas. A tree must be found, decorations acquired and plenty of cooking to be had in her splendid  itty bitty kitchen (seriously, it’s almost reminiscent of those little play sets i grew up with )

So far the halls are decked, and the stockings are hung by the chimney with care! Perhaps Itty Bitty should have hired Bert to come by and clean her chimney in hopes that Saint Nic will soon be here.  (for those of you who didn’t catch it, or are too young and deprived to know, that was a Mary Poppins/night before Christmas reference)  Come to think of it, I think Bert only really liked the Banks children because they were practically orphans. All chimney sweeps were fond of orphans, they could reach and clean areas of the chimney’s that the adults couldn’t ,and hey, if thet got stuck or injured, no skin off the sweep’s back.  Way to ruin that family classic! lol.

But yes, enough of that , the halls are decked, the tree is beautiful!  And Itty Bitty, accompanied by her Hulking Hubbies is off to the Naughty or Nice Party!  Pleasantly naughty dreams, ducklings!

~Itty Bitty